


Count Me Away Before You Sleep

by kyewopen



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Band, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Roommates, Smut, TOPFL May Challenge, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 03:19:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14559690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyewopen/pseuds/kyewopen
Summary: Tyler's been in love with Josh for years and finally decides to do something about it.





	Count Me Away Before You Sleep

It’s been more than three months since Tyler moved in with his best friend Josh. He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, at first. He was about to start his last year of studies and he knew that he wasn’t the most productive man when Josh was around. And this year was the most important, he really wanted to graduate and become a music therapist.

December has just started, and he now can say that he’s happy he decided to follow Josh’s idea. Three months ago, he was afraid not to be focused enough to be able to graduate but his best-friend has been nothing but supportive. Of course, there are still moments when his goofy and somewhat annoying personality gets the upper hand but for the most part, he respects him, and knows when to give him a break. And Tyler is grateful for this.

Josh has dropped college for two years and is now working in a music store, he doesn’t have homework anymore and has forgotten about the pressure and the stress of the exams a long time ago. Tyler, on the other hand, knows it all too well. His first exams are in two weeks and ever since he discovered the planning on the university website, he spends his days in his room, revising, and he can’t see the end of it. Josh has a week off and Tyler can’t stop himself from envying him, this one spends most of his time laying down on his bed, watching movies or series. He’s still getting up from time to time to ask him how he’s doing, bringing him some snacks, cooking him dinner, just to make sure he’s not overdoing things.

Tyler is sitting on his chair right now, staring at his desk. It looks like he’s working, but really, he’s just gazing into space, thinking about his youth, and trying to figure out the meaning of life. He’s been motionless for thirty minutes, and he’s suddenly bursting into tears. He has been feeling so much better for the past few years, but the pressure of the exams just makes him question every single decision he has taken in his life. It makes him feel insecure, anxious, and so far behind all his friends. He knows, deep down, that it’s not true, he’s even one of the bests in his class but in these moments, he just feels oddly inadequate.

‘Ty-guy? You’re okay in there?’ Josh says, taking him by surprise.

Tyler didn’t hear his friend coming in and he’s quickly wiping his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie, letting one of his hands going through his hair.

‘Hey… Sweetie, what’s going on?’ Josh asks, taking a seat next to him.

‘I’m… I’m good. It’s nothing.’ Tyler answers.

‘You’re crying… It’s not nothing.’ Josh adds, placing a hand on the back of his neck. ‘Tyler, you’ve been revising for five hours straight, I really think you should take a break.’

‘I can’t, Josh, I’m already so late, and I still have so many things to learn, I can’t just… I can’t just do nothing and chill, I don’t have time for this, my exams are in two weeks and-’

‘Exactly. It’s in two weeks, Ty. You still have time. You won’t get anywhere by tiring yourself out. You need to rest. You need to relax. Just think of it as something necessary to succeed, rather than an obstacle, okay?’

Tyler stays there, for several minutes, slowly processing what his roommate has just said, before giving him a small smile, nodding. Josh must be the only one able to soothe him completely, and to truly understand his mood swings. He’s just like an open book to him. And that’s just another element that made him wonder whether sharing an apartment with the blue-haired boy was a good idea.

He has always questioned his feelings for the other boy, for as long as he could remember. He has always been afraid of talking about it to him, even though sometimes he’s almost convinced that the feelings are mutual. Their friendship has always been very special, something that could look like an actual loving relationship for other people. There have always been a lot of holding hands, of hugs and sweet nicknames, and Tyler can’t help but notice that moving in with him only made them even more intimate than before. It’s not rare for Josh to flirt with him, and Tyler used to love the attention, but now it only makes him confused and he finds himself wanting much more.

The only thing keeping him for telling him all about it is that he doesn’t know if Josh sees their relationship as a unique intimate friendship or as something much bigger.

Soon, Josh’s fingers are playing with a few strands of his hair and Tyler looks at him for a while, fighting this urge need to just bend over and kiss his best-friend with all the passion he has. But once again, Tyler refrains himself from doing so, and just smiles at him instead.

‘Wanna order some pizzas and watch the x-files?’ Josh asks.

‘You don’t miss an occasion to watch the x-files, do you?’

‘You know me too well.’ Josh answers, smiling. ‘So. Pizzas?’

‘Fine. But we’re watching Donnie Darko.’

‘Fair enough.’

Tyler gets up and makes his way in the living room. Their apartment is not big, but it’s good enough for the two of them. The rent is not too high, and Josh is paying for more than half of it, with the help of Tyler’s father who was the one to push his own son to move in with his best-friend in the first place, mostly because it was cheaper than his dorm room. Tyler is barely able to pay for his own food and he can’t wait to graduate and find a job to help Josh. This one has already told him a hundred times that he could take his time, but Tyler already feels bad enough as it is. 

Thirty minutes later, Tyler is seated cross-legged on the couch, a piece of pizza in his right hand, watching Donnie Darko with great attention. He doesn’t care how many times he’s seen it; this movie will always be his favorite one. He knows Josh doesn’t like it that much, yet this one still agreed to watch it with him, and he would be lying if he said that this wasn’t making him feel too many emotions.

Soon enough, the two pizza boxes are empty, and the end credits are scrolling on the screen. Tyler is already half asleep on the couch and he can barely register Josh getting up and turning off the TV. He needs to get up and brush his teeth, but he also knows that if he does, he won’t feel so tired anymore and will end up taking two hours to fall asleep.

He still gets up, though, and says goodbye to Josh, watching him disappear into his room as he makes his way to the bathroom. A few minutes later, he’s in his bed, contemplating the ceiling of his room. There’s not so much to observe but there is a particular crack that Tyler likes to watch when he’s restless or just doesn’t feel like sleeping. He doesn’t know why, he just thinks that this crack is reassuring in a way, to think that this building has many cracks in its walls, yet it still manages to stand. Just like him. He himself has his fair amount of cracks and scars, yet he’s still there, breathing fine. It may seem weird, but the biggest decisions of the past few months, he has made them while watching this crack.

And suddenly, it’s all becoming too much. He can’t just stay there, watching the ceiling, watching this crack, and thinking about all the important choices he took in his life while the biggest of all still remains to be done.

He knows Josh is awake, he can hear the sound of his footsteps in his room. He doesn’t know what drives him, probably one of his rare sudden boost of confidence, all he knows is that he gets up, and leaves his room. He’s taking a few steps in the hallway and stops when he notices that the door of Josh’s room is wide open.

He’s only a few meters away from Josh. This one is taking his shirt off and is about to do the same with his pants when his eyes fall on Tyler.

‘Oh, hey.’ He says, smiling. ‘I thought you were already asleep.’

 _I can’t back off now_. Tyler thinks. _You can’t back off now._

‘Tyler?’ Josh asks. Tyler starts moving.

‘You’re okay, bro?’ He adds. Tyler keeps walking.

‘What are you do-’ But Tyler cuts him off by pressing his lips against his, kissing him hungrily.

For a few seconds, Josh is not doing anything, and just stays there, dumbstruck, probably trying to understand what is happening. And for a few seconds, Tyler thinks he just made a terrible mistake, but he doesn’t have the courage to look him in the eye and so he just keeps kissing him, placing his hands on the back of his neck, until Josh _kisses him back_ , with just as much passion. Soon, he’s placing his own hands on Tyler’s neck, his thumbs gently caressing his cheeks.

No words are exchanged. They’re just kissing, without caring about the world around us. They’re just kissing, and Tyler can’t help but to let out a content sigh when Josh bites his lower lip, deepening the kiss. Tyler doesn’t know what he’s doing, he just knows that it feels good, he just knows that he never wants it to stop, he just knows that every time one of them is moving backwards to catch his breath, the other one is just reaching in to reconnect their lips another time.

The moment almost feels surrealistic, and Tyler suddenly realizes what he’s doing, and what it could mean, what it could lead to, and next thing he knows, he can feel the dread boiling up in him, and Josh takes a few steps backwards, looking at him with a concerned look on his face.

‘Hey…’ He says, placing his hands on the back of his neck. ‘You’re okay?’

‘Yes.’ Tyler answers with a smile. ‘Just overwhelmed.’

‘Yeah. Tell me about it.’ Josh states, earning a small smile from Tyler.

Josh stays still for a moment, without saying anything. Tyler lowers his head and closes his eyes, trying to focus on Josh’s fingers that are playing with the roots of his hair. Only him is able to soothe him, to make him feel at peace with himself. When he looks up at Josh’s eyes, all he can see is trust, concern and genuine kindness and so he takes a small step towards him and reconnect their lips once again. The kiss is less hasty and more intimate, more gentle but with just the same passion. His hands are now on Josh’s blue hair and a soft moan escapes his lips when Josh is pulling him closer, placing his hands on his hips.

Tyler doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, he has no clue but luckily, his body seems to be taking the decisions on its own. He pushes Josh to the wall and presses his lips on his friend’s neck.

‘God, Tyler.’ Josh says, letting his head fall back against the wall.

‘Is… Is this okay?’ Tyler asks, insecure.

‘Yes.’ Josh says, his eyes closed. ‘It’s amazing. You’re doing amazing.’

This gives him some confidence and so he goes on kissing him on the same spot, one of his hands caressing Josh’s chest while the other one is tracing the outlines of the tattoos of his right arm. Soon, Josh slowly takes Tyler’s position and lifts him up, placing his hands under his thighs, and he keeps kissing him as they fall onto the mattress.

Tyler places his head on the pillow and stares at Josh with awe. This one has been shirtless for half an hour, but it feels to him like it’s the first time he can truly look at him. And he’s beautiful. Everything about him is beautiful. His hair, his eyes, his smile, his perfect white teeth, his arms, his chest. Tyler is overwhelmed, and it feels to him that the best way to make Josh understand how he feels is to rush forward and press small kisses on his lips, again, and again, and again.

‘You’re beautiful.’ He still says after a few seconds, in-between kisses.

Josh only smiles at him and bends forward to bite the soft flesh of the smaller boy’s neck, earning a loud moan from Tyler.

‘Josh.’ Tyler just says.

‘I’m right there.’

Tyler kisses Josh with much more hurry and pushes him aside so he can straddle his thighs. He can feel Josh’s hands exploring his chest under his shirt, and Tyler decides to take it off, quickly bringing all his attention back to Josh. This one is watching him with so much love and Tyler rushes forward, pressing small kisses on Josh’s chest, each time a little lower than the last, until reaching the lower part of his abdomen. He hesitates for a few seconds but still places his hands on Josh’s belt, looking at him, expectantly.

‘Can I?’ Tyler asks, unsure.

‘Yes. Yes, of course you can.’

Tyler unbuttons Josh’s pants and quickly does the same with his, still straddling his thighs.

‘Josh, I… I’m… I’m not ready for the whole thing, and… And I don’t have much experience in this area but… I… I don’t want to stop just yet.’

‘Then just do what you feel like doing, Tyler. I won’t ever make you do something you’re not comfortable with or not ready for, okay?’  

‘Okay.’ Tyler answers, and lets Josh placing a hand behind his neck to pull him closer and he can’t stop the loud moan that comes out of his mouth when his crotch touches Josh’s.

He’s suddenly desperate for something more and so he does the only thing he can think of, and gets his hips moving, he’s way too far gone in the moment to even care about what this all implies. He doesn’t stop rolling his hips down and Josh suddenly sits up straight to place his mouth on his neck, on his shoulders, on his chest while his hands are guiding Tyler’s hips in a circular motion. They stay like this for a few minutes until Josh flips him over to take the rein of the grinding session.

Tyler is breathless, he clenches his fists and tries to hold back the loud moan that could come out of his mouth at any moment. Josh is still pushing his hips down with more vigor than before and as Tyler’s head falls back against the pillow, he loses no time to suck on the soft flesh of his neck and this time, Tyler can’t help but to cry out in pleasure, earning a loud groan from Josh. He’s so overwhelmed that he might start crying right now, right there.

‘Josh. I… Do something. Please. Anyth-’ and his voice dies in his throat when he feels Josh’s hand sliding under the fabric of his boxer. Tyler lets out a gasp and hides his face in the crook of his neck. He’s losing his breath.

‘Oh god, oh god, oh god.’

Josh’s hand is stroking his length and Tyler can feel small tears gathering up in his eyes.

‘Josh, I’m gonna-’

‘I know, sweetie. I’ve got you.’

A few seconds later, Tyler’s whole body arches as he reaches his climax, and Josh pushes his hips a few more times before letting go as well.

The blue-haired boy let himself fall next to Tyler whose face is still buried in his neck. His body is shaking, and Josh is holding him in his arms, the tips of his fingers gently caressing his right arm, as Tyler slowly returns to his senses.

‘That was amazing.’ Josh finally says.

Tyler only nods, smiling when his best-friend lets one of his hands going through his hair. For a moment, he feels peaceful, but soon, he can feel the anxiety and the fear coming back at full speed. The bliss of the moment has passed and he’s afraid Josh will see what they just shared as a one-time thing only.

‘Hey… What’s going on, Ty?’

‘I just… I… I didn’t think, and… Oh god, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I… I don’t know what… What does that mean? What does that make us? What-‘

‘Tyler.’ Josh says. ‘Look at me.’ He adds, and Tyler is slowly looking up at him, biting his lower lip. ‘Don’t think about it now, alright? You need some sleep. We’ll talk about it in the morning.’

‘Can… Can I sleep here, with you?’

‘Of course, you can.’ Josh answers, bending over to grab some tissues to clean them both.

‘Good night, sweetheart.’ He says, after a few seconds.

Tyler answers him with a small voice and cuddle up to him before closing his eyes. He’s nervous about the conversation that awaits him but he’s too tired to even think about it. He falls asleep almost instantly.

 

It’s the horn of a car that wakes him up the next morning. His first reflex is to huddle against Josh’s body, but he slowly opens his eyes when he doesn’t feel him next to him, noticing that his part of the bed is empty. For a few seconds, he starts to panic but then he can hear some noise in the kitchen. He slowly gets up, stealing one of Josh’s hoodie. He takes a few small steps towards the kitchen and opens the door, giving a small smile to Josh when this one looks up at him.

‘Oh, you’re awake!’ Josh says. ‘Are you hungry? I’m hungry, so I made pancakes, do you want some?’ Josh rambles as he places the plate on the table, with a nervous gesture.

And Tyler suddenly feels very selfish. He has only thought about his feelings, about his emotions, without wondering what it could be like for Josh. He can see dark rings under his eyes, proving him that his best-friend didn’t get much sleep that night. Tyler bites his lower lip and lowers his head, trying to find a way to reassure the beautiful boy facing him.

‘I didn’t know what you wanted to have on your pancakes, so I went out and did some grocery shopping. I tasted one, they’re pretty good.’ Josh adds. ‘But maybe you wanted something else, I mean, you know, there are cereals and-’

‘Josh!’ Tyler says, interrupting him, and Josh quickly looks up at him, with a scared expression, and Tyler’s heart is suddenly full of love for his best-friend. ‘It’s perfect. You’re perfect. Thank you.’ He adds. ‘Do you mind if I take a shower first?’

‘No, of course. Go ahead, I’ll just… Be there.’ He answers.

Tyler takes an old jogging and a shirt before locking himself in the bathroom. He feels awful to have left Josh alone in the kitchen, but he needed some time to think, to figure out what he should say to him. This conversation is important. It’s too important and Tyler doesn’t want to mess it up, no matter what the outcome is.

He takes his time in the shower and when he steps out fifteen minutes later, he quickly gets dressed and wipes his hair with a towel, trying his hardest not to freak out. Now is not the time. Josh is already too nervous for the both of them, and Tyler takes a deep breath, and puts on a brave face before joining Josh back in the kitchen. This one is seated on one of the chairs, his hands intertwined with each other, his eyes gazing into space.

‘Josh.’ Tyler says with a gentle voice, placing his hand on his shoulder. ‘Are you okay?’ He asks, gently.

‘I… I don’t know.’ Josh answers with a broken voice, and Tyler can see he’s so close to burst into tears.

‘Maybe we should talk about last night.’ He adds, and Josh instantly looks up at him, with fear in his eyes.

‘Yeah… Yeah, maybe we should.’

‘Do… Do you want to talk first?’ Tyler asks.

‘I… No. I mean… I don’t know. Maybe? I don’t… I… Can’t find the right words.’

‘That’s okay.’ Tyler says. ‘Take your time.’

‘Why… Why did you do that?’ Josh asks, and Tyler lowers his head, feeling guilty. ‘I’m not mad.’ He clarifies. ‘Tyler, I’m not mad. I just want to understand. Why now? Why last night?’  

‘I…’ Tyler takes a deep breath and bites his lower lip, trying to gather all the courage he has. ‘Because I love you?’ He finally says, avoiding any eye contact. ‘I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for years... I mean, I didn’t really get it at first. But… You and I… What we have. It’s always been so special, Josh. It’s always been so much more than just a friendship, to me. We… We’re so close, Josh. And intimate. It’s crazy how intimate we are. And we’ve been like this for so long. And… I don’t know, at some point, it became so natural to me, it became so normal that I didn’t know what to think… I didn’t know if you wanted something to happen or if you were happy with how things were.’ Tyler stops talking during a few seconds, finally looking up at Josh who is watching him with so much attention. ‘That’s why I didn’t know if I wanted to move in with you. I was… I was already head over heels and… I’m sorry If I’ve been distant for the past few weeks but… I was afraid you weren’t feeling the same thing. And… I don’t know if you realize that, but you keep flirting with me… All the time. And I… I just didn’t know how to take it anymore. So last night, I just… I just decided it was enough. I didn’t want to keep living in a lie, or in some half-truth.'

Josh is looking at him, silent. He placed his hand over his mouth, and Tyler can guess he’s thinking. He stays quiet for a few minutes, and the smaller boy can feel the fear gradually growing up in him. The silence is killing him and it’s only when he lets out a shaky breath that Josh comes around and places his hand on his cheek, giving him a small smile.

‘I’m sorry.’ He says, and Tyler might start crying at any moment, now.

_Of course, he’s sorry, why would he want to start something with someone like you? Why would he want to be with you? Last night was just a one-time thing, it was just for fun. He doesn’t like you._

‘No, I… I understand, I just… I’m just the one overthinking everything, and I… I thought there was something but… But maybe I was wrong.’

‘Tyler, that’s not what I meant.’ Josh contradicts him. ‘I’m sorry for flirting with you for all those years and I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable and anxious.’

_You ruined this, you ruined this, you ruined everything._

‘It’s okay, I mean… Maybe we can stay friends, and-’

‘Tyler, oh god, you’re reading this all wrong.’ Josh says.’ I’m in love with you too.’ He adds, and Tyler opens his eyes wide. ‘Of course, I’m in love with you.’ He stops for a while before continuing. ‘Listen, I’m not as good with words as you are, but… I might have been in love with you from the first time we met. I was just… I was just too nervous and shy to actually do something about it. I was too scared. I wanted to be sure, Tyler. I needed to be sure. I didn’t want to lose my best-friend over this. So, I just started… I started being awkwardly flirtatious instead.’ He adds, with a small laugh. ‘Hoping that you would eventually see the signs and take the first step. And… And when you… When you kissed me last night, I… You don’t know for how long I’ve waited for this to happen. You took me by surprise and I was too caught up in the moment to think about what it could mean. It’s only when I woke up this morning that I realized that... That there was no going back. And it scared the hell out of me.’

Tyler watches him for a few seconds and suddenly rushes forward to kiss him, smiling against Josh’s lips when this one deepens the kiss by placing one of his hands on the back of his neck.

‘We only really are a couple of idiots, aren’t we?’ Tyler says with a smile, earning a laugh from his best-friend.

‘Yeah, well…I’m happy we’ve finally figured things out.’ Josh finally adds after a few seconds.

‘I’m happy too.’ Tyler answers, smiling.

And if they spend the whole day laying down on the couch, snuggling, while Tyler’s revision sheets are still piling up on his desk, well no one has to know about it.

Exams can wait.

His soft and sensitive heart can’t.

**Author's Note:**

> It's the first time I'm writing smut in such an explicit way, so it probably sucks, I'm sorry.  
> Anyway, I still hope you liked it, thanks for reading and please tell me what you think!


End file.
